We Are Taught to Fear Because It Sounds Safe

I can’t count the number of times that I’ve missed an opportunity because I was too scared to take it, or when I didn’t speak out against something I inherently disagreed with because of a fear of the consequences. We are taught to fear because it sounds safe, but what are we safe from when fearing? We believe fear to be a survival instinct; for if we fear, we will be prepared.

I admit that fear can be a good thing, though the idea seems almost bizarre. As I said before, fear is an instinct we all need in order to stay alive. But just like how too much of a good thing is—just that—too much, there is a point at which fear no longer keeps us alive but rather prevents us from living.

A month and a half ago I had the opportunity to try Korean food. Now anyone that knows me knows that I love trying new foods. I haven’t traveled the world like I someday wish to, but I can travel (at least in a sense) when I try new foods. I looked at the menu and had no idea what to order but one entrée sounded alright because it was barbecued beef. I asked one of the friends I was eating with (someone that had lived in Korea) if I would like what I planned to order. He said I would because the dish was “an American favorite.” I was dead set on ordering the dish because it had sounded good to me from the beginning, but I was a little irritated that my friend assumed I would like something because I was American and I played things safe. After all, I was stepping out of my comfort zone and trying a new type of food. Either way, I ordered the barbecued beef and I loved it. That was when the guy sitting next to me offered me squid.

I’ve had some weird things to eat—the weirdest was an Ethiopian dish that included raw beef—so I was excited at the chance to try something even newer… but I was also petrified. What if I didn’t like it? What if it made me sick? What if I made a fool of myself while trying to eat it? It took my giving myself a motivational speech in order to get that piece of squid in my mouth. And it took even more for me to swallow that piece of nastiness that was now sitting in my mouth. But I did it. And I didn’t get sick or die or anything terrible. It wasn’t an enjoyable experience but at least I was all the wiser from it.

I find it funny how our fears tend to coincide with the what-ifs in our lives. We tend to play it safe because heaven forbid something out of the ordinary happen to us.  But the what-ifs play both sides of the spectrum. There are the what-ifs that emulate our fears, but then after we make a safe choice we are then racked with the frustration of what-ifs that could have happened. I don’t know about you, but nothing eats at me more than the what-ifs for the chances I didn’t take. So why should I be afraid to do something if it’s not going to truly hurt me? Especially when, in the end, the possibilities of what could have happened will nag at me more than that fear ever did.

I’m not perfect here, but none of us are, so all we can do is hope for those moments of clarity that we each have and to share them with others. So this is me sharing my thoughts for the night and hoping that they will help give you a resolve as well. I need to take more risks and to not be afraid to take them. Fear is a natural response to the unknown because we think staying in the normal routine is safe. But just because it’s safe doesn’t mean it’s right or even good for us. We’re trying to progress in this life, to become better and smarter but how can we do that without taking a chance or doing something different every once in a while? My goal is to stop fearing the things I can’t change or that I have no control over. Obviously I’ll fear the things that could endanger me, but I’ll also take more risks. I hope you will too.